“Lifetrap” is an everyday term; the word specialists use for a lifetrap is schema. The concept of the schema comes from cognitive psychology. Schemas can be defined as deep, unshakeable beliefs about ourselves, others and the world around us that formed in our minds in childhood.
These schemas play a decisive part in how we feel about ourselves. Letting go of them means giving up the security we have found in their shelter. So, despite the harm these beliefs do us, we feel safe in their shelter, because they give us predictability and reassurance. That is why cognitive therapists believe that changing these beliefs is hard, exhausting work.
Three features of schemas
Schemas have three features by which we can recognise them:
1. Schemas are long-standing patterns or themes in our lives.
2. Schemas are self-damaging.
3. Schemas fight for their own survival.
A schema is a pattern or theme formed in childhood that imposes itself on a person throughout life. If you have fallen into a lifetrap or schema, what it brings you in adulthood is a re-creation of the conditions of your childhood — the very conditions that harmed you and caused you problems.
Schemas are self-damaging. People circle like a moth around a flame: they are constantly drawn to situations that closely resemble their past. Schemas can harm identity, health and social relationships, work and mood. A schema brings every dimension of life under its sway.
A schema fights hard for its own survival. There is a strong pull in a person to keep their schema — part of the human wish for consistency and stability. We can recognise a schema. Painful and troublesome as it is, it has become normal and familiar to the person, which is why changing it is hard, exhausting work. Above all, in childhood these schemas were ways of adapting to a dysfunctional family. In childhood these traps were realistic. The problem is that, although they are of little use now and we have many paths open to us, we cling tightly to keeping them going.
Sources:
– Jeffrey Young, Reinventing Your Life, Persian translation by Dr Hassan Hamidpour, Arjmand Publishing
– Martin R. Bamber, Schema Therapy for Occupational Stress (Persian title), translated by Dr Hassan Hamidpour, Arjmand Publishing
Moeen Counselling Centre plans to run specialist schema-focused therapist training courses for professionals and students in counselling and psychology, taught by Dr Amir Askari. Because schemas form in childhood, the centre also runs parenting courses for the public. To hear about course dates and requirements, join our network.
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